The colourful residents of Springfield
The Scent a Celebrity Series is my vain attempt at picking perfumes for those who don’t know any better, yes I mean celebrities. Let’s face it, most celebrities are incapable of choosing decent clothing/boyfriends/girlfriends/movies/insert-celebrity-mistake-here let alone having the ability to make decisions about something as important as their scent – that’s where I come in. Never fear my dear schlebs, I will ensure that you are appropriately scented, all you need to do is listen.
The beautiful town of Springfield
In Part 1 of Spritzing Springfield I turned my attention to the Family Simpson, choosing scents for all members of America’s favourite dysfunctional family. In this part I will be extending my scented focus on to some of my favourite Springfield residents, ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous and all that lies in between.
Krusty The Clown
Now if Krusty were your average TV clown, you know the nice happy ones who make you laugh, I would possibly choose something fun and fairground-like such as L’Artisan Parfumeur’s Dzing! (circus leather), Thierry Mugler’s Angel (inspired by Thierry Mugler’s childhood fairground memories) or Viktor & Rolf’s Flowerbomb (candy floss in a bottle). But Krusty is not your average clown, he is a chain-smoking, alcohol-swilling, will-put-his-name-to-anything, fraudulent, grumpy, chimp-loving (not in that way) angry clown who hates nothing more than kids.
Taking that into account Krusty would require something cheap and unfriendly with distinct masculine boozy notes. The complicated, yet dreadful failure that is Antidote by Viktor & Rolf with its über macho, plutonium strength lavender would be a perfect fit for our favourite child-hating capitalist clown.
Ned Flanders
Ned Flanders is the town do-gooder, a god-fearing man so pious that he drives Reverand Lovejoy (the town cleric) to despair. What is interesting about Ned is underneath all of those okily-dokilys, ding-dang-doodleys and that terrific 70s porn tash is one hunk of a man.
Yep, you heard me right, I just called Ned Flanders a hunk and I don’t regret it. On more than one occasion we have seen Ned sauntering around his garden, muscles flexing and dewy moustache twinkling in the sun. So what perfume fits a religious do-gooder with a hot bod? Well only something clean and pure like Armani’s Acqua di Gio will do!
Mr. Burns & Smithers
You could cut the sexual tension between Smithers and Mr Burns with a teaspoon and despite the fact that on Burns’ part the love is non-reciprocal, nobody can deny that the tension between boss and assistant is palpable.
Mr. Burns is the evil old rich dude who would let the whole town wither and die if it meant he could increase his stash of wealth, even by a tiny amount. Mr Burns has the capacity to buy a scent that costs more than most residents of Springfield earn in a lifetime. He probably wouldn’t even care what it smelled like, as long as people knew it was expensive. I see him in the obscenely ostentatious No 1 for Men by Clive Christian.
Smithers on the other hand is the antithesis of Mr. Burns. He lives to serve, and his riches amount to one bedroom apartment and a huge collection of Malibu Stacey dolls (which just so happens to be the largest in Springfield). Smithers is desperate to grab the attention and affections of Mr. Burns and I see him wearing something loud and proud like Chanel’s Antaeus that would drop unsubtle hints about his intentions.
Patty & Selma
Marge’s disgusting chain-smoking spinster twin sisters Patty & Selma are a sight to behold. Personally I could happily not behold the sight of these two bushy-legged harridans if I had the choice but hey, we don’t always get our way.
Both Patty and Selma are bitter middle-aged grot-bags who constantly utter their disdain for their sister’s husband with gruff, cigarette-stained words. Choosing a scent for these two isn’t easy, I could go for the obvious choice and pick Etat Libre d’Orange’s Jasmin et Cigarette but that is way too pretty for these two, who are more cigarette than jasmine if you catch my drift.
No, Patty and Selma would wear something obnoxious and hideous in equal measure. I can see a shared bottle of Estée Lauder’s Spellbound on their dressing table, they would spray the heady syrupy cocktail of dead flowers in abundance, much to the dismay of those around them. Can someone pass the bucket please?
Edna Krabappel
Edna Krabappel is the 4th grade teacher at Springfield Elementary School and she is also the town floozy. Poor Edna is looking for love, and it just so happens that she has encountered nearly every man in town on her quest and it would be safe to say that she has searched quite thoroughly…
Interestingly, despite her dowdy experience Edna does scrub up well and a date with her is seen as quite an achievement, as town psychopath Sideshow Bob once exclaimed: “you only get one chance with Edna Krabappel”. I see Edna rocking the pretty/smutty filthy glam of Etat Libre d’Orange’s Putain des Palaces. Although it’s safe to say that Edna is more of a motel kind-of-gal than a hotel one…
Comic Book Guy
As a geek I can completely empathise with the Comic Book Guy. We may be collectors of entirely different things (me: perfume, him: comic stuff) but I can completely understand his passion for all things collectable.
If Comic Book Guy were to have a fragrance he would have a hard-to-find limited edition such as Thierry Mugler’s A*Men Pure Coffee, which co-incidently would match his passion for food and coffee. In true Comic Book Guy style, he’d own it but wouldn’t wear it, because as we all know it would be worth more in mint condition.
Disclaimer
Image 1 justdesktopwallpapers.com (cropped). Image 2 wikipedia.org. Image 3 imaginacaodesign.com.br. Image 4 simpsonspedia.net. Image 5 hollywoodhatesme.wordpress.com. Image 6 sitcomsonline.com. Image 7 screened.com. Image 8 testedich.de.
I love your characterizations of the citizens of Springfield and your scented choices are spot-on.
My former boss looks (and behaves) a lot like Krusty the Clown, so I guess a bottle of Antidote for his imminent retirement would be a good choice? It seems perfect even in name.
Haha – I wonder what it’s like to have a boss like Krusty? Very interesting I imagine! I think Antidote would make a superb retirement gift
I don’t know all of these fragrances (as you know my scent knowledge is limited however I admire your passion) but I love your descriptions of the characters. I cannot put Antidote together with Krusty the Clown and this might be due to emotional attachment to the scent (James was wearing it for a while when we were first going out
). I need to have a sniff of Mugler’s A*Men Pure Coffee – I want to make sure this is in fact as geeky as I think it is 
Thanks Kasia
I’d forgotten that James wore Antidote. That seems like such a long time ago no!
I’ll bring my bottle of Pure Coffee next time we see you and you can see just how geeky it is!
I nearly spat out my crackers while reading about Ned’s “hot bod” during my elevensies! Who knew?
Of course Edna wears Putain des Palaces! Of course Comic Book Guy has a limited edition which he keeps in it’s obx!
Just perfect. Thanks for brightening my day.
I feel that I need to provide some photographic proof now:
I’m glad you enjoyed your trip to Springfield this morning!
Whoa, Ned the hunk! Proof indeed. And that is a very big fig leaf…
That leaf sure is impressive!
D’OH!!! Stupid sexy Flanders!!
Ha! One of Homer’s inner monologue’s finer moments
Hilarious! Love that you scented Marge’s sisters with Spellbound – perfect. I’d still scent Krusty with Dzing…sadly because I get the dreaded animal/fecal note in it.
Patty & Selma could wear nothing other than Spellbound, they are equally hideous
Dzing! would suit Krusty, especially if you find it to be quite dirty.
Good call on Clive Christian for Mr Burns, haha. And on Spellbound for Marge’s sisters – that has to be one of the biggest trainwreck’s in modern perfumery. I do know someone whose signature scent it is and I have to be very diplomatic in her company!
That wasn’t an apostrophe in trainwrecks, honestly. It is just that my eyes are shot from googling oval drop leaf tables.
You are forgiven!
I imagine that diplomacy is hard to come by when in the company of Spellbound. It’s a train wreck indeed!
Hey CPB,
You make me laugh every time you do this, great work.
I am so SAD you don’t like Patty and Selma! I love Patty and Selma and would have them in Ambre Russe and Dali’s Purple Lips extreme. I want Ned Flanders to have Gentlemen by Givenchy or if clean is your need for him, Gendarme. You are spot on with Mr Burns but i think Smithers would be in Creed of some kind trying to keep up, though Antaeus is pure genius for him. And the town bike Edna Krabappel would be in Charlie gold or Georgio, the affordable fragrances of her peak beauty era. I have no ideas for the clown but maybe he has bought himself a good scent from memories of happier times, Pierre Cardin? In the penis bottle?
Thanks,
Portia xx
Thanks Portia!
I don’t dislike Patty and Selma per se, they’re hilarious in their disgustingness. I just wouldn’t want to spend any time with them.
I love all of your suggestions, especially the Creed for Smithers, I can see him in Green Irish Tweed.
Tho’ I totally agree with all your alternative scents for the respective characters. Excellent choices P’ ! (Especially for Edna’s which is spot on – and gave me a good giggle). I can’t help but tend to disagree with any Creed for Smithers. Creed is just far too “hetero’ & butch” for ol’ semi-closeted camp Smithers IMO. (Altho’, on second though, maybe that would be his “hetero-mask” scent to diffuse any ‘homo suspicion’ !?) (LOL)
I am smiling broadly. I’ve never thought of Creed as butch. He’s probably wearing Fantasy de Fleurs.
He he
Well perhaps not exactly “butch” butch – but certainly very ‘straight’. … All those men who fear smelling too ‘femme’ or “gay’ tend to be big Creed fan boys.
It seems to be most fully-straight men’s ‘In’ into the ‘fume & sampling rabbit-hole.
I get where you’re coming from, most Creed Fan Boys are über hetro, although the brand itself is quite camp with its dubious history, tacky bottles and big showy scents.
Heh, heh – too true !
… And yes ‘über hetro’ is exactly the word I was looking for when posting above. 
Oh I LOVE this!! I can almost smell them. Watching The Simpsons will never be the same again!!! (side note. Ned, top off, what a babe)
Ned is a complete hottie sans shirt isn’t he? He’s my bible-bashing totty for sure….
I’m glad you enjoyed the post!
Reading ur suggestions and then Portia’s equally excellent ones below, made me aware when trying to think up my own alternatives, that there’s a large difference between what scents we think they should be wearing to what scents they’re most likely to have chosen for themselves already. I think Portia’s is rather accurate in the latter regard. Frags they’re most likely to have in their wardrobe already – as apposed to what ‘we’ think they should rather be wearing or are suited to. …. BUT then I got confused because there’s actually elements/mix of both these ‘camps’ in your own choices thru this series. So this confused my own thoughts on which fragrances I’d suggest. Is it which frags they’re most likely to choose for themselves, and most likely to already wear ? – Or is it rather which frags we suggest would be perfectly suited for them to wear if they had the taste and forethought to do so ?? ~ (Or am I just totally over-thinking this now.) LOL
Anyway, I said earlier in ‘Part I’ that I was almost certain I’d guess your choice for Ned Flanders. However, I must admit I was totally wrong. Waaay off in fact. – Tho’ I can totally see where you’re coming from with Acqua di Gio. Which is indeed well suited and probably exactly what he would have in his wardrobe.
] Something like CdG ‘Avignon’. Or for a fresher take Serge’s ‘L’Eau Froide’ even. ~ (But here again, whilst I think these are perfectly suited. I very much doubt he’ll already have them in his wardrobe or ever think to purchase a Lutens/CdG frag.) Tho’ I do think he might still search out something heavy in Frankincense or Myrrh, with all that relentless undying devotion for the “Baby Cheesus”. 
I on the other hand was thinking much more on the “churchy” Frankincense route for hunky Ned. [A total waste of a hunk at that !
And I won’t even mention the others or this post will be off the page at the rate I’m going.
~ But suffice it to say that your choices were spot on – especially Clive Christian / Antaeus & Pure Coffee. They so definitely would if they were ‘fumeheads such as ourselves.
Totally, I imagine that for a start half of the fragrances I’ve suggested probably would not be available in Springfield. Although I’m sure Costington’s would stock Spellbound, I mean nearly everywhere does unfortunately…
I think Ned is too wholesome to wear something dark and church-like, but I see where your (divine?) inspiration comes from
Yes you’ve certainly git a point there. Even though I was obviously over-thinking it. It seems I still didn’t quite think properly enough.
Now you’ve also got me seriously intrigued with Spellbound. I’ve never had the misfortune (so it seems) to sniff it yet. Tho’ from your affinity to it I’m imagining the worst. (Must find me a sample somewhere.) … Mind you I probably only need traipse to the nearest drugstore and steal a spritz.
It’s pretty easy to find, unfortunately. I love me a big syrupy white floral but Spellbound is just hideous!
Oh what the hell I’ve got this far I might as well finnish now
~ Tho’ I’m in complete accord with your choices, here are my choices :
Krusty ~
…
… BUT I would put here in Agent Provocateur. [Though Westwood's Boudoir is probably more apropos. 
]
… BUT if he were ever to crack open and wear a scent I imagine he’d probably go for something like a half-bottle of something discontinued/vintage he picked up online like Hai Karate. 
(Ok to use if no longer ‘mint’.) 
Would buy for himself : Pierre Cardin Pour Homme … BUT I’d put him in : Dirty English.
Mr.Burns ~
I couldn’t agree more – He’d certainly own : CC’s No.1 (& probably ‘C’ from the Private Collection too I’d bet) … AND I’d put him in it if he didn’t.
Waylon S. ~
Again totally agree on him having : Antaeus … But I’d put him in : Chanel Pour Monsieur. (Or he might just save up furiously to get ‘Puredistance M’ to try impress/(seduce?) his boss.)
Bouvier Twins ~
Would probably share some of their frags. However they’d have very different tastes.
Selma I see as a celebuscent and shopping channel kinda gal. So I see her having : “QVC’s” Tova Nights … BUT I’d put her in Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds.
Patty on the other hand, might probably go for more “butcher” scents. Tho’ I see her having something like Habanita & Tabu … BUT I too would put her in Ambre Russe rather. (Tho’ that might be too good for her really.)
Edna Krabapple ~
I absolutely cannot top Portia here & agree she would so have Charlie Gold & Georgio
Comic Book Guy ~
And here I cannot possibly agree with you more. Except to add that he probably has all the other Mugler limited editions as well. – Plus probably scavenges for “vintage” Dior Homme Intense bottles too to flog for triple the price on Ebay.
Phew ! & apologies for my essay length posts
Oh hell, I must ban/wean myself of those darned ‘smileys’ methinks. The above posts look like polka dot print. (LOL)
You are the Queen of Emoticons…
Aaargh, nooooo. – Please not that, you make me sound like a 14yr old girl. – Ok that’s it I’m not touching another emoticon. (*long silent vacuum*)
*tumbleweed*
Hehe! This is why I love this series, it’s so fun to read everyone else’s suggestions.
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