“The Scent a Celebrity Series is my vain attempt at picking perfumes for those who don’t know any better, yes I mean celebrities. Let’s face it, most celebrities are incapable of choosing decent clothing, boyfriends, girlfriends, movies, (insert-celebrity-mistake-here) let alone having the ability to make decisions about something as important as their scent – that’s where I come in. Never fear my dear schlebs, I will ensure that you are appropriately scented, all you need to do is listen.”
Have you been watching American Horror Story: Coven? If you haven’t, or God forbid that you’ve not seen any seasons or episodes of this wonderful anthology series then shame on you! The premise is simple, each series tells a different story with the same ensemble cast playing a different set of characters. So far the show has killed a ton of people off in a murder house, shoved some unfortunate people in a properly dodgy asylum and most recently taken a deep insight into a coven of witches in New Orleans. Yes, it’s utterly brilliant.
Following a request on Twitter I have decided to scent four of the most fabulous witches of American Horror Story: Coven (i.e. Season 3). These characters and actresses represent the best of the show and range from the effortless glamour of Jessica Lange as one heck of a ruthless witch to the more than slightly unhinged but ever so fashion-forward supreme wannabe played by Frances Conroy. So sit back, read on and fall under the spell (or should that be ‘smell’?) of Scentcraft…
When I grow up I want to be Jessica Lange. I’m not kidding she is seriously the most fabulous person on the planet and nobody quite nails playing a loveable bitch quite as perfectly as she does. Over the three seasons of American Horror Story, Lange has played a dodgy housewife, sadistic nun and most recently a desperate witch clinging on to her youth and powers by the skin of her teeth.
Lange’s character in Coven is a multifaceted gem of nastiness. Determined to remain the coven supreme (i.e. the head honcho of witchiness), Fiona will cut a bitch in a heartbeat and won’t hesitate to scheme, manipulate and even murder to get her way. She does all of this whilst lounging around the house in a fabulous array of gorgeous black dresses, proving that witches really know how to rock an LBD.
So what perfume does one pick for a scheming, homicidal and all powerful queen of darkness? Well as far as I’m concerned the only suitable option is Dior’s Poison – an ice cold tuberose syrup that is as deadly as it is beautiful. Fascinating, beguiling and delightfully evil, both Poison and Fiona Goode are formidable and attractive spirits that one should approach with the utmost caution.
After playing a virginal nun possessed by Satan on the last season of American Horror Story, Lily Rabe must have relished the thought of playing a Fleetwood Mac-loving, swamp-dwelling witch with the power of resurrection. It’s amazing how life is just so much more floaty, pleasant and generally more relaxed when one isn’t host to an evil demon that wishes to consume you.
Her character – Misty Day – is a lone soul who loves Steve Nicks more than anything else in the world (and who can blame her, of course). She is the witch with the strongest of powers but what she has in strength she lacks in experience and her child-like naivety is likely to be the quality that her sister witches will prey on and is ultimately going to result in her undoing.
In terms of perfume, Misty needs something befitting of a swamp pixie. A playful scent that speaks of warm and humid landscapes in the deepest, darkest parts of America. L’Artisan Parfumeur’s Nuit de Tubéreuse with it’s stifling jungle tuberose is one such perfume and it aptly captures the essence of Misty Day with its ethereal mango and playful pepper. Swamp witches have never smelled so glamorous.
Witches don’t come more badass than the High Priestess of Voodoo that is Marie Laveau, masterfully played by the divine Angela Bassett. Laveau is perhaps the meanest and most unforgiving of all of the magical beings in American Horror Story: Coven. She would happily curse you as soon as look at you and takes the greatest pleasure in torturing (and dismembering) one of her many arch nemeses played (rather expertly) by Kathy Bates (Annie Wilkes!!)
Marie Laveau is immortal. She’s also pretty fierce, rocking Creole chic and a variety of fab looks throughout her many decades on the planet. In addition to this she’s pretty mean and has managed to sustain a long standing rivalry with the witches of Fiona Goode’s coven for a remarkably long time. Who would win in an epic show down between Marie and Fiona? I have no idea but I know I wouldn’t want to be in the near vicinity when it shiz got real.
As Marie Laveau’s spells are rooted deep in the elements of the Earth I would pick her a perfume that feels as if it has been plucked straight from the ground and has a raw, elemental feel. That perfume would be the fantastic Hellstone by Gorilla Perfume – a scent that uses vetiver and cumin to evoke spice and mineral in an odour that was forged deep within the fiery pits of hell.
Much like Jessica Lange, Francis Conroy is fabulous in everything she’s done. She was captivating as the bat-shit widow in Six Feet Under and has played equally wonderful characters in American Horror Story, ranging from a formerly saucy maid to the Angel of Death. That said, Conroy has reached her peak of fabulosity in Coven as the fiery redhead and obviously Grace Coddington-inspired Myrtle Snow.
Myrtle Snow is the yin to Fiona Goode’s yang but the truth is that she really is no better. Her quirky mess of red hair, rouge gloves, pointy glasses and fashion-forward wardrobe really is just a ruse to hide the fact that she is a bitter, power hungry witch whose nose is firmly out of joint because she isn’t as beautiful, ruthless or powerful as her rival. She can survive being burnt at the stake though, which is pretty impressive!
To scent the painfully marvellous Myrtle I’d pick a perfume that is as much of a frenetic mess as she. The only perfume that could be is L’Artisan Parfumeur’s Déliria – a roller coaster ride of pineapple, toffee apples and tin foil that feels like it should be so crazy it is absolutely terrifying (and it is to a degree), but in reality one can’t help but love the gorgeously loud mess. After all, it is fabulous!
Join the Discussion!
Who are your favourite witches on American Horror Story: Coven, or in Film, TV or Literature? How would you scent them?
Please leave your thoughts in the comments box below!
Image 1 via eonline.com. Image 2 collider.com via. Image 3 fleetwoodmacnews.com via. Image 4 via sinuousmag.com. Image 5 via gaspargloves.com. All images edited to add text.