“I’m a classy honey kissy huggy lovey dovey ghetto princess”

The Scent a Celebrity Series is my vain attempt at picking perfumes for those who don’t know any better, yes I mean celebrities. Let’s face it, most celebrities are incapable of choosing decent clothing/boyfriends/girlfriends/movies/insert-celebrity-mistake-here let alone having the ability to make decisions about something as important as their scent – that’s where I come in. Never fear my dear schlebs, I will ensure that you are appropriately scented, all you need to do is listen.

So far the series has touched upon a variety of famous names including; those fuzzy-wuzzy comics The Muppets, the Icelandic super-talent that is Björk and schizophrenic female (but kinda-male due to her alter ego) rapper Nicki Minaj. Joining this plethora of huge talents, and even bigger egos is the wonderfully glam and delightfully eccentric band of personalities that is Scissor Sisters.

Scissor Sisters, currently consisting of Jake Shears, Ana Matronic, Del Marquis, Babydaddy and one other dude (but he doesn’t appear much so we shall forget about him), are a glam rock band taking their cues from Elton John, Abba, Blondie and the Bee Gees just to name a few. To say that they are a band with personality is an understatement, in fact they are a band with four distinct personalities, each one being as eccentric, if not more so than the other.

“You know baby, when I was taking my pantyhose out of their egg this evening, I thought, I’m gonna find that man who has the right shade of bottle tan, a man that smells like cocoa butter and cash.”

Scenting an entire band is no mean feat and it’s important to bear in mind that, although there are four individuals, there is an overall personality that is the group itself, the sum of its parts as it were. This means that there needs to be a decent amount of cohesion amongst the scent choices, after all we wouldn’t want these olfactory selections to clash and I won’t be held responsible for any breakups, tantrums or diva-fits.

Jake Shears

This flamboyant front man demands attention wherever he goes and any perfume of his needs to be just as attention-grabbing as his personality. Jake Shears has a hyper-camp and over-sexed image, playing to gay subcultures of S&M & bondage mashed with cyber-queer spacemen and go-go dancers. He certainly is a character, and although he may make me cringe at times (see “I Don’t Feel Like Dancin'”) I welcome his fearless attitude. So what perfume is fitting for this peacockish punk who sets my teeth on edge? Why, the disgusting and ostentatious white floral covered in bilge that is Sécrétions Magnifiques by Etat Libre d’Orange of course.

Ana Matronic

Ana Matronic is the Yin to Jakes Shears’ Yang, opting for a slightly (note: slightly) less OTT image than her male counterpart. She is rather fabulous mind, and despite said fabulosity there is something strangely classic about her that I can’t quite put my finger on. This juxtaposition between glam and classic brings to mind a fragrance that harks back to classic french perfumery whilst being contemporary and completely high fashion. I imagine that Ms Matronic could rock the filthy/gorgeous blend of flowers and skank that is Vivienne Westwood’s Boudoir.

Del Marquis

Del Marquis, the lead guitarist, is my favourite Scissor Sister. Why? Well, he’s just very handsome, and I like his sideburns, that’s why. Do I need another reason?! Picking a perfume for Del isn’t so easy because, despite his bold fashion choices, he seems relatively quiet and reserved. He is the antithesis to frontman Jake Shears and needs a perfume that reflects his placid persona – a perfume that is intelligent, brooding and quietly dramatic. I would recommend that he wear the woody-anisic tuberose of Thierry Mugler’s A Travers le Miroir.

Babydaddy

Babydaddy is the bear of the group and for that reason it is relatively easy to find a perfume that matches his rugged handsomeness, there are after all many stubbly, masculine perfumes about. We could opt for the filthy/clean aura of YSL’s Kouros or the medicinal oud of M7 but both are a bit too ‘Burt Reynolds on bearskin rug’ to be taken seriously in this context and Babydaddy deserves more than that. I see him experimenting with some olfactory gender-bending, sticking with the house of YSL but opting for the heavy spice and balsams of Opium, straight up in pure parfum concentration.

Another perfume that would suit, although less strapping and virile but awash with masculine leather-clad bear iconography is Etat Libre d’Orange’s Tom of Finland. It all depends on how clean Mr Babydaddy is feeling.

Join the Discussion?

Scissor Sisters – love them or hate them? Discuss.

What perfume would you choose for Scissor Sisters?

Do you agree with my choices?

Please leave your thoughts in the comments box below!

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